"How to defeat Wrath of Wife"

"How to defeat Wrath of Wife"

By:

Virgilio F. De leon Jr.

     I love playing Magic cards. And it is normal that my circle of friends also play this fine sport of the mind. Most of us are guys who can be considered to be weekend Magic Warriors, if our bosses go to the golf courses to unwind, we go to weekly Magic tournaments to test our deck building and spell wielding skills with other Planeswalkers in different venues around the country but most of the time a stable table  , some chairs and a well-ventilated area will do to get our weekly fix of the addictive game.

     Of course most magic players are a loveable bunch, we are often smart and funny and deeply intellectual and good looking (some of our girlfriends and wives are choking with laughter as they read this) but in the end we do get our share of the opposite sex , the luckiest among us are those who have girlfriends and wives who also play the game and understand that the game takes the player away from them from time to time. (once a week at least for the tournaments) . These are the kind of women who are independent and tend to do their own things as well with their girlfriends or family on the weekend. They neither get mad or jealous of the time devoted to magic because they are a part of it themselves.

     The problems lies with the normal women who enter our hearts and lives , the ones that don’t understand the thrill of the sport , the ones who do not get how it feels to be in the top 5 or even win a pack after grueling matches. Yes they do not understand how we feel and how we will feel but what they do understand is that this game is taking way too much of our time away from them. what they do understand is that if you weren’t test playing and playing with our buddies then you would have enough time for dates and watching chick flicks like Twilight(thank God it is over!) with them. When you look at Vampires you think about Markov and his bloodline, not these silly sparkly vampires that have grown to be so popular as of late.  So there are often angry texts or texts that seem “nagtatampo” (there is no literal English translation) from them when we try to schedule our matches later in the week. The misunderstandings often stem from the fact that there are more important things to do than magic. The Magic player doesn’t feel that way of course because there is nothing like a good game to let off some steam and to test if your ideas are up to the task of winning.

So what are we to do my fellows?

1) Schedule way ahead....people who are going to a future Grand Prix better have that schedule already blocked off and the budget for it must be stowed away as well. Asking for permission is much easier at this point because it is still such a far off date. This is how you want to do it and not just rush off in the last minute. The Mrs. Or girlfriend won’t like that one bit. Expect a full Volition Reins to be in effect if you do not do this.

2) Find a schedule that works - Check the several Magic Shop websites and group pages on Facebook for tournament schedules. If there is a particular event like a pre-release or Gameday that you want to attend and it seems you could clear you’re schedule on the weekends then you can actually play in these tournaments on different venues and even find the time schedule that fits you. Sometimes you time restrictions prohibit you from playing in tournaments in this case then you could just arrange a couple of hours away in an office pantry with your officemates. Hey, if people take time to go to the gym then you could also take time to play magic. It is just a matter of priorities after all. With proper scheduling then time conflicts can be minimized as much as possible

3) Ninja your way – Make Magic like it was your mistress or GF on the side…you veil her in secrecy ,you tell your significant others that you are on overtime or claim that you have training on a weekend or that your boss needs you even if it is supposedly family time. Pretend like you are so sad or angry when leaving…all the while you have your decks in the back of the car or your backpack as you go. This option requires a lot of skill and nerves of steel to pull off as well as a little bit of cold heartedness so don’t choose this if the other options are still available for you.  This option, once exposed is sure to bring about a permanent Stasis cell status on you and a potential Wrath of Wife Scenario.

4)  Infect them…er…expose them - Some wives and girlfriends will never understand your fascination with the game so the best way is to bring them with you so that they can get a feel of it as well and if that fails then at least allow them to go shopping or roaming in the mall (this is by far the most expensive option but hey you do want to play right). I know a friend of mine from Bataan who does this and I have taken this option as well. Just expect the constant visits because your daughter or wife will give you food or something to drink while you are playing and it kinds of makes up for the fact that you are spending more than what you usually spend when you are playing alone.

5) Assert your Dominance - Of course you could bully your way and assert dominance. “I'm playing magic today and there is nothing you can do to stop me.”  In this scenario you better have a few things already in place:

a.     A way to bring all your cards with you.

b.     A fire proof room that has a firm lock to store them.

c.     An understanding wife who supports madness...because this is madness...

d.     A Girlfriend who doesn't live with you and whom you don’t mind losing to someone who could give her more time

Otherwise please be prepared for the utter destruction of your Card hoard. Wrath of Wife will be in full effect.

     Well these are tips for my fellow magic players so that there won’t be in any more conflicts at home regarding our playing...Always remember that “Wrath of Wife” is real and frightening....It states that ever weakening phrase to planeswalkers all around the world:

"Destroy all cards target player owns"

No hexproof can protect you there buddy so you better get your act straight...