"Interdimensional Ipis Assault"

"Interdimensional Ipis Assault"

by:

Virgilio F. De leon Jr.MD

It happened all too quickly. I was washing dishes listening to some rapper when I suddenly heard Aven screaming and then my wife who was then taking a shower joined in too. When I looked at it was that they were so scared of I saw one of the biggest cockroaches in my life perched on top of the bathroom door.

Yup. Nothing like a giant cockroach to destroy the tranquility of a lazy  Sunday evening. Since none of the windows were open I can only theorize that this bug may have come from an alternate dimension or the future(probably sent by Aven to annoy her mom at this time period , draw back though , it also scared her so I wonder what future Aven would think of that?)

Things got a lot worse when the ipis decided to start flying around.My wife who is usually a very composed person was shouting like she was being chased by some crazy killer clown. I found that analogy odd because if she was being chased by a clown she might have already clobbered it to death. Faced with a cockroach though all she could do was turn around and scream for me to do something. 

So I was washing in between plates at this time and I had to wash my hands first. I turned to the door at the exact moment that the inter dimensional cockroach decided to fly and landed on my chest at which point I showed some amazing flexibility as I was able to reach for my tsineles/slippers really quickly and I tried to slap the pest with it.I hit my chest instead. It made me very angry. The bug landed on the floor and scampered under our cabinet.

I was not able to flush it out after a few minutes of trying and things settled quite a bit as my wife told me that we should have the house cleaned and flooded with Baygon all over again. I just stood there with slippers in one hand , a slipper shaped welt on my naked chest as I half listened and half wondered where this thing went.

The answer came when it landed in the stairs directly in front of me. The thing was hovering over my head this whole time and if I took two steps too many it might have even given me a cockroach kiss to the face( as disturbing as that sounds I am actually curious as what that would be like). Now that it was exhausted I decided to use my much touted anti-ipis jutsu . "Thousand slippers strike" I declared. If this was a fatality move in Mortal Kombat I imagine that there would be someone shouting "Juicy" in the background.

The house became still after that but Aven worried that the Alien Bug from Men In Black might visit our house for some revenge. I turned to Aven and said "If he decides to show up I will thousand slipper strike that sucker too."

Aven laughed. My wife poke her head from the bathroom and was still looking around if there were other flying ipis lurking around. I was still holding my slipper.