Friday, January 1, 2016

"I Returned"

"I Returned"
Virgilio F. De leon Jr. MD

When I was a young boy of 5 , I died. Yes I literally died. I was clinically dead for 5 minutes but the good doctors at Manila Medical Center in UN Avenue brought me back and into this life that I now lead.

Now that I am a grown man , I was a strong believer in Miracles. I have seen so many but the miracles stopped last April 23 , 2015. As I looked at the medical staff that was trying to revive my mom I wished that I did not understand the things that were happening. I wished that she did not push me to be who I am.They looked calm but I knew how frantic this staff was. Until the doctor came to me and said what I dreaded.My mom was gone. I just stood there. I was waiting for her to come back.

When I died there was a brief instant that I did not know who was around me. I was scared. I remembered not knowing who was talking to me. This woman kept on assuring me. She said that if I wanted to come home I could come home with her. She told me that she loved me. She patiently went to me when I ran from her and sat on the stairs of the hospital. I was back from the dead and I was looking at an unfamiliar face. Half of her face was distorted and her nose was long and her hair was waving. I had visual disturbances and as a 5 year old I was scared out of my wits. Who are you? why do you want to take me home? Are you going to eat me?(yes during that time I thought I was looking at a witch and I had a strong recollection of Hansel and Gretel , a book my mom bought for me). 

When the woman with the distorted face told me that she was my mom I told her that my mom didn't look anything like her. I told her that my mom was pretty but deep inside I was thinking that she did have my mom's voice. I believe that I was sedated for awhile and I woke up to my moms relieved face.

Last April 23 2015 I was hoping that like that time this medical team could return her to me. That when she opened her eyes I would be the one waiting for her to remember who I was. Her eyes remained closed and her breathing ceased. I felt my world crumbling as I realized that she was gone and though no pain could reach her now I found myself wishing that she could come back to resume our arguments or that she would ask me to email my dad or that she would ask me to write more prescriptions for her or that she would suddenly text or call for medical advise.

My mom didn't return like I did and I found it unfair. She did not come back from the dead like I did. Mom , I was wishing that in my life my chapter with you did not end this way. I wish that things went differently but there are irreversible things in this world. I thought death wasn't one of them but my moms death showed that the world  really does not give you any promises.

Thank you for waiting for me then Mommy. I know you are waiting for me there as well.In due time , I will see you again. There would be a lot of catching up to do.

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