"Not Changing"
by:
Virgilio F. De leon Jr.MD
V sat at the cafe booth with the bouquet of black roses at the table in front of him. Her cousin Jia assured him that despite her busy schedule she would come and meet him. He checked his clock again and noted that it had been an hour since she he had been here. The sweat on his Palm were beginning to form again and he wiped them dry on one of the towels he always carried on his back pack. Idols are very busy people and he was a big fool in believing Jia about her.
A big amount of his savings was gone and he didn't even get to meet her. V sighed and started to check his things.
And it was when someone sat across the booth from him. The person wore an overly large hooded jacket, his/her head covered by red cap with three silver rings adorning the left side, V found the mask of shark teeth covering the strangers mouth interesting. There was something familiar about the eyes that looked at him.
"Your date stood you up?" the stranger asked.
V didn't want to answer but he did. "She might not have even known that we were on one."
"Sounds like the other person doesn't even know you exist.Cold."
" It is true. Idols are very busy people after all and even if they say that they want to be around their fans they might probably be scared to be around them unguarded. I can't say that I blame them. Some of those who idolize then are completely out of touch with reality."
"And you are a fan who is in touch with reality?"
"I'd like to think so. I know what idols really are and the relationships that fans actually have with them. Idols like any other product are being marketed by their respective companies. The more that you love them the more that you purchase things that they sell. Albums, concerts, merchandise. All under the illusion that you own a part of them because you spend your income and time on them."
"What makes you different?"
"Well I have no illusions of being in a relationship with this idol that I wanted to meet here today. I know that she is a person who might have different interests than me. May have a life totally different than mine. Try as I might get to know her I may never really know what she is like. If she meets me as a fan she might give me something scripted by her agency. And someone like me might never get the chance to meet and hear her unfiltered thoughts or speech."
"So why try and meet her at all knowing what you know and how you feel about her industry?"
"To put me out of my misery."
At this the stranger made a gesture that was all too familiar to V. The stranger leaned forward, rested his/her head on one side of the table with his right arm straight. The stranger looked at V. "And how will this idol put you out of your misery?"
V smiled despite himself. He should have known. The cap. The muffled voice and mask. The overgrown hooded jacket. Things that he had sent her himself. Why was he so distracted. He composed himself. This probably might be the only time that he can tell her in person.
"You see since I was young I had intense crushes on people. Even to the point that I thought I loved them but there was always one thing that cured me of that notion. I met them. The feelings I thought I had disappeared."
"Did these people do anything in particular to make you lose those feelings?" The stranger took off the red cap to reveal long light brown hair that was tied in a pony tail. V could now see those small eyes that had no make up and his pulse raced. His palms began to sweat again and he had to wipe them on his pants.
"Nothing really. Most of them were nicer than I imagined but I lost interest either way. It was just me I guess. Totally had nothing to do with them."
"And you think by meeting this idol your feelings might disappear?"
" I don't really know but at least I would have gotten a chance to talk to her a bit, tell her how wonderful she is and how in a difficult time in my life she helped me with her beauty, her wonderful singing and dancing. I would say that as both a fan and as someone who wanted to be her friend. "YuuA be strong and keep up the wonderful work". That is what I would say to her. If she appeared tonight I would be happy and say those words to her and say goodbye knowing that I got to that once."
The strangers expression changed. Her eyes began to well from his words and she moved to take the mask covering her mouth but V stopped him.
"Please don't."
"Why?"
"I don't really want my feelings for YuuA to change."
The stranger nodded and continued to look at V with curious eyes. V slid the Black Roses over the strangers side of the table.
"This is for YuuA but you can have it. Thank you for making sure that I was not lonely without her. I got the answer to my own question."
V stood and left the Cafe. His heart full and his misery gone.
T
