"You Call It Privilege. I Call It Giving My Child a Fighting Chance."

 "You Call It Privilege. I Call It Giving My Child a Fighting Chance."

by:

Virgilio F. De leon Jr. MD

There has been a lot of talk about nepotism, or what we Filipinos commonly call the padrino system.

People are angry that some individuals get ahead in life simply because they know the right people, carry certain surnames, or find themselves in circumstances that give them a head start. There is a growing frustration over how opportunities often seem to depend less on what you can do and more on who you know.

Many people think this is something only the ultra-rich can afford to do.

The truth, however, is that a vast majority of those who benefit from connections and introductions are not necessarily members of the wealthiest families. Many belong to the middle class. They are parents who went to certain schools, built professional networks, cultivated friendships, and established relationships that eventually became opportunities for their children.

Is life unfair? Yes.

Do people have advantages because of their surnames, the schools they attended, or the people they know? Absolutely.

Can talent and capability exist outside those surnames and school affiliations? Of course they can. Some of the most capable people in the world come from backgrounds that offer them none of these advantages.

But talent alone does not always open doors.

Sometimes, someone has to open the door for you. Sometimes, your surname gets your foot in the door. Sometimes, the school on your résumé earns you an interview that someone equally qualified might never receive.

That is the reality of the world we live in, whether we like it or not.

To be clear, I am against people receiving positions, opportunities, or rewards they do not deserve simply because of their connections. Competence matters. Merit matters. And giving someone an opportunity they are not qualified for can have consequences for everyone else.

But I also recognize that the padrino system is not something I can simply wish away. It existed long before I was born, and it will probably continue long after I am gone.

So, as a parent, what am I supposed to do with that knowledge?

My wife and I have taught our daughter that life is unfair. There will always be imbalances. Some people will start ahead of you, while others will have to work twice as hard just to reach the same starting line.

As cold as it might sound, you need to understand the strengths and weaknesses of the people you compete against. You need to recognize the advantages they have, understand your own limitations, and learn to play to your strengths.

You cannot control every circumstance, but you can prepare yourself to deal with them.

And that brings me to our responsibility as parents.

Our job is to give our daughter the tools she needs to navigate the world. It is to provide her with an education, teach her the value of hard work, help her develop her abilities, and introduce her to people who might help her grow.

It is also to build the connections that could give her access to opportunities she might otherwise never encounter.

None of these things simply materialize out of thin air. They take time, effort, sacrifice, and years of building relationships. The opportunities we can offer our child are, in many ways, the result of the work we have done throughout our own lives.

We are not trying to guarantee her success. No parent can do that.

We are trying to give her a fighting chance.

And if we can open a door for her, why wouldn't we?

Of course, there is a difference between opening a door for your child and demanding that the world hand her everything she wants. There is a difference between introducing her to an opportunity and insisting that she be given a position regardless of her qualifications.

We can introduce her to the right people, but she must still prove herself. We can help her get an opportunity, but she must still do the work. We can give her the tools, but she must learn how to use them.

That is the distinction I hope people understand.

I do not believe my daughter is entitled to everything simply because she is our daughter. But I do believe that my wife and I have a responsibility to prepare her as best we can for the world she will inherit.

If that means using the connections we have worked hard to establish, then we will use them. If it means introducing her to people who can teach her something, then we will make those introductions. If it means helping her find opportunities that might otherwise remain out of reach, then we will do our best to help her find them.

We are her parents. We want her to succeed.

So, to those who look at the advantages we try to provide our daughter and call them privilege, I have only this to say:

You call it privilege. I call it giving my child a fighting chance.

Because what you see as an advantage handed to her may represent years of work, sacrifice, and doors her parents had to fight to open.

And if we have managed to open a few doors for our only child, we will not apologize for wanting her to have the opportunity to walk through them.

She will still have to prove herself once she gets to the other side.

But at least she will have had the chance to get there.