"I Like Nature. I Just Don't Want to Sleep in It."

 "I Like Nature. I Just Don't Want to Sleep in It."

by:

Virgilio F. De leon Jr.MD

I have a close friend who regularly takes his family camping, and they seem to absolutely love it.

I have never quite understood the appeal of sleeping in the woods, but hey, this isn't meant to ridicule people who love the outdoors. If camping makes you happy, more power to you.

It just isn't for me.

I have three main reasons.

1. Security—and Everything That Comes Out at Night

Forget the nighttime monsters that may or may not exist. I'm talking about the ones we know are real.

Bears.

Snakes.

Insects that can ruin your entire week.

You are, after all, sleeping in a forest. There are going to be things out there that consider your campsite part of their territory.

And then there are the real monsters:

Other people.

I've heard stories of campers dealing with people wandering around their campsites or trying to get into tents. A tent might be perfectly good at keeping out wind and rain, but it isn't exactly a fortress.

I don't know about you, but I prefer sleeping somewhere where I can lock the doors and windows.

Preferably with a guard somewhere nearby.

Call me paranoid.

I call it sleeping comfortably.

2. The Bathroom Issue

This one is particularly important.

As a guy, I probably wouldn't have that much trouble finding a convenient place to go, especially at night when nobody can see me.

But I can't exactly speak for my wife and daughter.

They might not be particularly comfortable with the idea of using the great outdoors as a bathroom.

And even for me, there is something deeply unsettling about having to walk outside in complete darkness, surrounded by tall trees, just to pee.

What if something is watching?

What if something moves?

What if I suddenly hear rustling behind me?

At that point, I'm probably going back into the tent and holding it until sunrise.

Not particularly good for my bladder, perhaps.

But considerably better than discovering that the forest has been watching me conduct my business.

3. The Work

Then there is the actual work involved.

Setting up camp.

Maintaining camp.

Breaking camp.

All that effort just to sleep on the ground.

I know, I know.

I don't exactly scream outdoorsy type.

One look at me will probably confirm that.

But more than that, I simply don't see the appeal of giving up all my creature comforts when they are already available at home.

I like nature.

I enjoy looking at mountains, forests, rivers, beaches, and all the beautiful things the outdoors has to offer.

I just don't necessarily want to sleep there.

I'll explore the wilderness during the day.

Then I'd like to return to a cabin somewhere.

Maybe a hotel.

Actually, scratch that.

A hotel sounds better.

It doesn't even have to be in the city. Put me somewhere in the middle of nowhere if you want.

Just give me four walls, a proper bed, electricity, running water, a bathroom, and a door that locks.

I have no problem visiting nature.

I just prefer to experience it from a comfortable distance.

Because apparently, my definition of roughing it is a hotel without room service.