The Silent Suffering

"The Silent Suffering"

by:

Virgilio F. De leon Jr. MD

In one of my earlier posts as a Doctor I was assigned to a Call Center that was situated on top of a well known Mall Chain in the Philippines. One patient came in and I instantly noticed that he was a bit off , he looked sad , withdrawn. I observed him but since he did not want to do a consult I felt like I should just take note of him for future reference. After all people can be sad but are dealing with their sadness on their own terms. Sadly this same patient was seen arguing with his girlfriend 2 days after and he decided to jump from the 6th storey parking lot we were in. As fate would have it he would not reach the bottom of that 6 storey drop. He did however sustain 2 broken legs and a broken heart. Apparently this was his 2nd attempt at a jump from that area. The first one was also after a heated argument with his girlfriend.  I believe that this was the only time that the mall considered placing barriers in that specific place. I am not entirely sure of what happened to this patient next as my contract with that company ended.

So why did I write this today? A few days back someone came into the clinic and said "Doc , I am having bad thoughts. I am thinking of killing myself. Is there any place I can check myself into?"

And I had to place this patient on hold. Checking on him. Talking to him. I had nothing to calm him down if he became violent. Only my words and my experience in dealing with someone like this. People always need someone to talk to and someone who can make them feel at ease that they are actually being heard. I admire the psychiatrists and counselors who do this kind of work so naturally. 

I only had my ears and a few words of encouragement for this patient who had been carrying this burden all by himself. I have thought of that patient who never sought help and jumped. I was happy that this patient I was talking to at least knew to ask for help , that he has had enough and without pride admitted that he could not do it alone. It made me wonder how much more were out there suffering still. Unheard and silently suffering. Sometimes I think all one can do is to be ready. I am.

XG- Puppet Show MV Reaction: "A past invasion."

XG- Puppet Show MV Reaction: "A past invasion."

by:

Virgilio F. De leon Jr. MD

XG has finally released the final song of their first full length album and with it another phase of their invasion of the world in general with a new sound.

Coming on the heels of New Dance which in my opinion is one of the best summer vibe songs ever and best positive song ever. It just reeks of fun.

Puppet Show offers another side of XG which they have been promising to show. And while they have been showing this alien invasion in phases with their travel in Shooting star , their initial invasion of earth in Girl gvng , their scouting of the planet and incubation in TGIF , and their establishment of a Colony in New Dance.

I do believe that Puppet show features a past invasion of another planet. And this is shown in a highly stylized video of their arrival and eventual subjugation of this cloudlike planet. All culminating in their rise to the tower like structure in the middle of the realm.

Puppet Show continues their progression of sound. I feel like the rappers actually took a back seat here in favor of Chisa and Juria's awesome vocals but they are still there. 

While the message of the song is something I might have issue with the overall effect is still catchy that you might find yourself singing "Welcome to the puppet show"  and if you can dance might still catch yourself dancing to this song.

As of this writing it already has almost 2Million views on youtube. A lot slower than the high tier girl groups and I guess indicates a little more promotion on their part. Hopefully the numbers rise a whole lot more when they promote in music shows.

I truly am happy that they were able to bring so many good songs this year and I am hopeful that their popularity grows even more. 

"The Goth Girl at the Portal"

"The Goth Girl at the Portal"

By:

Virgilio F. De leon Jr.MD

I was buying something in the UP Technohub Portal when a Goth girl with heavy make up eyed me. She whispered something to her bandmate , a tall guy with a guitar slung on his back. Since I did not know this person I simply paid no mind , entered the Family Mart and bought my Pocari Sweat.

On the way out though , the Goth girl stood up and smiled at me. "Good evening po Doc." 

"Good evening din" , I said back.

She must have a been a patient or one of her friends or relatives must have been under my care. I was not sure at this point. I might have recognized her if she did not have all that make up but even then maybe it would not have spelled the difference. I walked away smiling for some reason.

It reminds me of what my dad always joked me about. "May gumagaling ba sa mga pasyente mo anak?"

There was a part of me that would wallow in my Impostor Syndrome for a bit in the past but maybe tonight I would have answered my Dad differently if he was alive.

"Well Dad , Some of them are alive enough to greet me and remember on a trip to a Family Mart. So yeah , some of them do get better." And we would probably laugh about it.

"The state I am in."

 "The state I am in."

by:

Virgilio F. De leon Jr.MD

I

Scattered energy you said to me

Expanding in patches, reaching nothingness

Seeing but not seeing

where I was supposed to be

II

I read that I must let go

of who I am at the present

To be be what I am meant to be

Nobody knows of this fear in me

III

Pretending that I am on the top

While inside anguishing with indecisions

Struggling with the pressure of the unseen

Accepting the fate that was handed to me

IV

Scattered energy bursting at nowhere

At the place where it is not needed

Seeking the places for it's final fortune

Still seeking still seeking

Quezon City. Feb 20 , 2023. 10:29pm

"Lines"

"Lines"

By:

Virgilio F. De leon Jr.MD 

There is always a line drawn somewhere. You are here. You are on the other side. The cost of crossing is the difference.

When you like someone and they might not like you back. There is a line to cross and the cost of that is that person.

When you come from a lower economic background and want to go higher. That line above you , it will take a lot to cross , to ascend. Social contract , Education , Accessibility. 

When you cross borders , some will have gates and walls to navigate. Some are easier and some are harder.

Funny how a line can be drawn and people can just keep on crossing them.

"Zutto"

 "Zutto"

by:

Virgilio F. De leon Jr.MD

I

It had been a long drawn out sigh

A long moment of goodbye

Since that day I laid my eyes on you

I knew ,  I had began to cry

II

Yet in between these breathes

Existing though fleeting

You have told me in a whisper

I am the answer to all your hungers.

III

Extending to eternity your voice

Savored in drops and draws

The tenderness of a passing touch

Echoing so forlorn in these halls.

IV

So when the final note 

Flows from the cut strings

The sigh lets go

And I begin to breathe...

Hunyo MD, Optum ,Quezon City. December 19 , 2022. 9:54pm

"Bigkas"

 "Bigkas"

ni:

HunyoMD

I

Sa sulok ng kuwarto

humihikbi ang natirang mga hibla

Ng mga alala na di mapakawalan

Mga bagay na matagal nang nawalan ng panagalan

II

Tumatawag pa din sa kahinaan

Umaapela kung naman kailan

Nakapunta na sa mga lugar

Na pawang di na madadaanan

III

Pinipilit di marinig

kinakalimutan ang mga daing

Di nililingon ang kahapong nasaktan sa baling

Tumitingin sa liwanag sa dulo ng Dilim.

Rockwell , November 28 , 2022.